Whom Not to Marry by Pat Connor

Author:Pat Connor
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hachette Books
Published: 2010-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

* * *

Better bend than break.

—SCOTTISH PROVERB

* * *

I couldn’t help myself. “That may be,” I said, “but there are many maybes in life. I don’t think you can insist on the same mathematical principles in day-today living, and especially not in a relationship. There just isn’t the same certainty.”

“Yes but—”

“No buts,” I said. “You two are obviously very much in love and I’m happy for you. But you need to realize that love isn’t an absolute in the same way math is. Love does not insist on its own way,” I reminded him.

I knew when I had a captive audience, so I continued.

“Leo, you obviously feel very strongly about the authority in math. But what about the authority in your relationship? Is that something that you’re willing to share?”

The young couple was quiet for a moment.

Josie turned to him, a little unsure. “Sweetie? I’d say yes. How about you?”

Leo smiled and kissed her on the cheek. “A big affirmative,” he said.

This lovely young couple came to see me several times after that first meeting. They had taken to heart my impromptu sermon on the danger of insisting on absolutes, and that opened up some great discussions on the subject of compromise and communication. They understood how important balance is to a healthy marriage, and that while they are two equal partners (“two components of the same equation” is how Leo put it), they won’t be equal in every situation and every day. They talked openly about their expectations in marriage, about each other’s strengths and weaknesses. When it came time for them to say “I do,” they did so with confidence.

Has the marriage worked out?

Well, they’ve been married now for eight happy years. You do the math.

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